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Getting the best out of people - be kind and dont be so hard on them

Published: Saturday, April 18, 2020 written by Andy Flagg
View Count: 118
Keywords: Leadership, Teams, People, Goals, The Best, Performance



Getting the best out of people does not mean you have to be hard on them. Getting the best out of them means understanding, listening, nurturing, coaching, and practicing great methods towards great needs for great solutions. Imagine being a coach with a whip versus a coach with a helping hand. You get the idea? Now apply that to being a Mom or Dad, husband or wife, or family member. Get it?
 
Whatever your excuse for your means to your madness means nothing; especially while you are alive and even more when you die. No one remembers the mean ones and gives them accolades. Only the good ones and good memories will be carried with you. Shed the dead skin and live on through the greatness learned from the helpers, leaders, and those with the ability to help and heal, not demean and constantly correct and speak down to everyone.
 
Find great people to be around. Associate with good ethics, good work, even hard work is good when it is for a great purpose. Eu-stress versus bad stress. Remember? Color therapy, do you know the colors? Red = blood, hurt, bleeding, passionate, hot; Green and Blue - growth, healthy, water, earth; White - pure, clear, simple, calming, clean, silent.
 
Getting the best out of yourself is not a race. It's a journey. It should be a happy journey. Your childhood you can't necessarily control yet your adult life, yes, absolutely can control. Circumstances will come and go, yet your vision, keen abilities, focused direction, natural abilities and tendencies, and dna might help you along the way. Follow your soul and heart, and not necessarily your mind. Use your mind to help solve your hearts healthy desires. A mind is a terrible thing to waste.
 
I have found that my mentors some good and some great, know how to inspire people to be successful and great.
 
There are some people who should never be mentors. The bad leaders are good at getting results out of their team and making them perform for some shallow value and perceived reward and usually unknown bad ethics. It's like a master whipping a team of horses to pull a wagon. You can teach the horses to love to pull the wagon other ways without hurting them. Some owners of a team (of horses) do not care. I know that first hand. They have the mission and goal in mind, and don't care how many dead bodies it takes to achieve their agenda and conceited goals. They just look at people like animals and resources that are expendable and replaceable. Quickly identify the bad masters and walk away from them. If they come back to you time and time again because you are a great performer, and incentive you beyond compare, remember, it will always end in bad. Remember, stay away from them regardless of how noble they believe themselves to be. They know who they are (if they are reading this in the present and future).
 
I can name the great leaders and mentors I have had. Oh, they make me laugh and I speak of them highly and often. Plus, I follow in their example. I would like to name them in order of appearance: Mrs. Leigh, Mrs. Atkinson, Mr. Cady, Mr. Koch, Mr. Mark Wilson, Mr. Eisenhauer, Mr. Cicerelli, Mr. Marsden, Mrs. Mee, Mr. Bob McClure, Mrs. Bea Couchman (Ronen-Tonnesen), Mr. Keith Garrett, Mr. Bob Julian, Mr. Kevin Crumley, Mr. Troy Alexander and his friends Tim and Tim, Karen and Molly and Kris, and Butcher Bob (Raley's Market), SFC Baker, Capt. Mancinelli, 1st SGT Norman, WO1 Rumph, CW4 Blazek, Professor Calvin Caldwell, Professor Randy Albert, Mr. Jack Talley, Mr. Greg Cheever, and I'll update the list... to add more... it does no good to mention the hard and mean ones because that is bad karma. We wish we could yet everyone has a different experience. We just don't recommend those folks for hire and we DNR (do not rehire) as the work force saying goes. Yes, the black balled list does exist everywhere. One can fire your customers and clients, and even volunteers.
 
When you look at that list of good people (thousands plus) versus the list of those bad (I can name them all on one hand.), remember, that is the difference between knowing the differences between great leaders and managers versus task masters, motivators versus  micro managers, so on and so forth,etc. The ying and yang, the good and bad, the polite versus impolite, the great ones versus the turds.
 
Remember, we are only as good as the people around us. You don't need a ton of friends but a few will do. Even your spouse and mate, things are not always perfect but you do promise to hold, cherish, love and obey (sometimes not so much, and sometimes better).
 
Remember, killing someone with kindness. If someone gets hot enough (as in their temper), you can always add more love and kindness on them just like sugar. If they get hot enough they will catch on fire.
 
Quick story: my Mom (ahem, step) was hard on me, and everyone. She even admitted it over time several times with glee. My Dad (step) was kind and supportive. I watched My Dad who often cringed at my Mom for some of her abusive actions. Whatever the reason, she had a short temper and a stubborn mean streak. Who did I love the most over time and in their end? My Dad. I still loved my Mom yet that is why once I left at age 18, I never really went back except to see Dad. He still got me to work daily on the farm and help him with glee. My Mom, that was absolute torture and drudgery. It was not until my Dad died, did my Mom soften and become aware, one can get things does without being so hard on everyone. Let that be a lesson to my siblings, friends, colleagues, peers, mentors, spouse and mate. In the end, grace and support is better than being right and stubborn.
 
I sometimes wonder why those that are so impatient with the patient people not aware of the hare and the tortoise story. I know lots of people so busy they can't stop to enjoy their lives, and then tell everyone else how to be successful and have a great life. Then they die, and we don't care about them being gone. It's the ones that try to be helpful and correct the problems of our society, organizations and methods that mean the most. It's not only what you do, it is also how you do it.
 
A mentor of mine, a Dean of Students, Dr. T (Stanaway), once said, one can attract more bees with honey than vinegar. I got his point even though it was a bit not accurate, pollen not honey, you know what I mean and he knew I knew what he meant. Good guy. He was what I learned later in life to be one of the Montana Mafia at Oregon Tech. (funny history there if you like sociology and history - which I do).
 
more to come...

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